I am deeply sorry

that I chickened out today. I wanted to stand up to Dick, I really did. But Dick said if I didn't apologize for all the trouble I had gotten him into by being shot, he was going to take me on another hunting trip.

At least I know who my true friends are now.

Thanks Mel, Robot, Douglas, Neil, Patricia, Wonkette and everyone else who wished me well along the way.

Josh, I know exactly how it feels.

Man Shot In Accident After Laughing At Cheney

(AP) LAFAYETTE, Colo. Hours after laughing about Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting mishap, Josh Kayser was himself shot by a friend during a hunting expedition.

"I read that thing about the vice president and said to myself 'how can you shoot your friend with your gun?' And look what happened," he said Tuesday.

Had you also been discussing the Valerie Plame leak with your friend, Josh?

Gaylord, the feeling is mutual

"He's classy and charming and an outdoorsman -- the logical choice," said Gaylord Armstrong, an Austin lobbyist who has known Whittington for decades. "A gracious guy -- and handsome."

Any doctors out there?

I heard there was some woman overseas who got a face transplant. Anybody know how that works? After Dick shot his wad of pellets in my face, I feel dirty.

Have you ever been in a situation

where somebody you thought was your friend did something that hurt you very much, and then they tried to blame it on you? And then that person waited 18 hours to report it to the media, and that person's colleagues tried to make a joke out of it, until you had a heart attack? Just wondering.

One of the worst days of your life?

I can relate to that, Dick. But when we were hunting togetether, you said that the day that Libby told Fitzgerald that you had authorized him to leak classified information about Valerie Plame was one of the worst days of your life. Maybe they were both worst days.

One other thing:

When asked if their patient would be tuning in to the vice president's first on-air interview about the shooting, Banko said, "There is no television in his room at this point in time."

When I found out you were going to be on the TV, I had it removed.

And please STOP SENDING ME PRESS RELEASES IN THE THIRD PERSON.

I've been thinking about things these last couple of days

If had to do it all over again, I don't know if I would have been such a big fundraiser for Republicans. In fact, I might have raised some money for the Democrats. Am I better off now than I was under Clinton? I'd have to say the answer is no.

What the hell happened?

How did I end up in this hospital? Last thing I recall, Dick and I were knocking back the Wild Turkey, hunting, and having a nice conversation. Now I am here. On the bright side, I guess my connections on the Texas State Funeral Commission might finally come in handy.